One of the many perks of being a therapist is that I often hear parallel versions of my own “oddball” thoughts as my clients are processing through their own and I'm reminded constantly that we are never, ever alone in our challenges. When a client asks me “am I the only one who struggles with……” it feels so good when I can emphatically and honestly tell them “no, you’re not.”
Whenever I hearing recurring themes popping up in sessions and I usually think it would be nice if we could normalize these thoughts so people wouldn’t feel so alone for having them.
So let’s normalize some really normal stuff shall we?
Not wanting to be the “best version” of yourself all the time. We are the product of a capitalistic society that is always pushing us to be our best. Millenial women are obsessed with always bettering ourselves, becoming exceptional and feeling like we’re never good enough. But we don’t always need to be our best self. We can just….be. We can not always have our shit together. We can be late, or not meal plan and actually not be mad at ourselves about it. Let’s normalize being okay with that.
Not having every corner of your home looking aesthetically pleasing. We can blame it on Pinterest or the ‘gram, but having a curated peek into each other’s lives gives us a false belief that we are the only ones whose homes do not look like the pages of a high end home design catalogue at any given time. I VOLUNTARILY subscribed to the Chris Loves Julia newsletter and despite loving them, when their newsletter shows up in my inbox it makes me feel like shit about my own otherwise lovely home. “Why can’t I get it together to start some projects like they do?” I’ll ask myself. And then I see the major corporate sponsors and remember their home is literally their JOB. They employ a team of people to make it all happen and they make a very robust living while doing so. So if you feel like that too sometimes let’s normalize boring builder grade, lived in spaces that aren’t aesthetically pleasing 100% of the time.
Being okay with not wanting more. Along the same lines as number one, it’s okay to not always be wanting more. Maybe you your next career move is a lateral one, not an ascent that gives you more responsibility and power. What if you don’t actually want more money or a bigger house? (I mean, are you watching The Watcher on Netflix?) That is okay! Just because culture glorifies more as better doesn’t mean it actually is. More is just more.
Not always liking the people you love. This is normal. So very, very normal. You can be a “good”wife, daughter, mother, sister etc and not always like the people whom you love very much.
Being okay with your food not being the most optimal every time. Yes, nutrient dense foods are valuable but I think our culture’s current wellness obsession is just an updated, bougie version of the Slimfast, Jenny Craig diet culture many of us grew up with (which is a conversation for another day). For those of us who run anxious with a side of rule following & perfectionism, we fall for this wellness trap hard. I know I have. So let’s normalize eating “processed” foods when “better” (whatever that means to you) choices are aren’t available. Don’t not eat because the perfect or optimal meal isn’t available. Let’s normalize eating what we can, when we can because sometimes that’s the best we can do. And that is PERFECTLY FINE.
Putting people on a need to know basis. Sometimes we forget that most people really don’t need to know all the details about what is going on with us. Just because someone is asking doesn’t mean you have to tell all. You are allowed to hold back and not share all the things. Truly, no one is entitled to your thoughts and feelings. You likely pride yourself on being an authentic and genuine person and the thought of holding back makes you feel otherwise. But remember not everyone has earned the privilege of being let into the more private parts of your life and it is normal to hold boundaries around what you share with others.
Occasionally wanting to blow up your entire life. This is one I hear the most and probably creates the most shame. Even when you have a life you feel immensely grateful for it’s normal to feel suffocated by it and all of the responsibility it carries. If you sometimes feel like you are *this close* to buying a one way ticket to wherever, congratulations you’re normal. Now if you feel like this more often that not, you might want to chat that through with someone, but if you sometimes fantasize about throwing a grenade into your day that feels more like a military operation than a life, you’re not alone.
Remember, we’re all much more alike than we are different.
Melissa