At least once a week (usually more) someone will reach out to me and ask for guidance in finding a therapist to help them with xyz issue. They usually start with Google, explore a few listings, call or email some…they don’t hear back or maybe they don’t get a great vibe. They have a million other things going on and forget about it and falls off the radar. Getting yourself to a place to begin therapy can be exhausting in and of itself, so when the process of actually finding someone is even harder, it’s a non-starter.
Today I’m going to address some common questions and issues that might make the process a little easier for you and shed some light on the topic.
Where the Hell Are They?
Considering any bit of information we could ever want is literally sitting in a glass box in our hand it is astonishing how hard it is to find your therapist. Most modern therapists are hiding right in plain sight, you just have to know where to look for them. The quickest way to find the best therapist for you requires you to make yourself a little a vulnerable. It means you have to tell people you are looking for a therapist and ask if they know of anyone or have any recommendations. This ensures you are getting a name from someone you know, like and trust. This already gets you through a couple layers of vetting and does some leg work for you. (This does the same thing for the therapist too btw).
Your friend might say “I’m not seeing one right now but my sister is seeing someone she loves, I’ll get a name for you.” She can get you that name, you now have a point of contact. Even if that therapist is full or doesn’t specialize in what you need, it’s likely they’ll take a minute to talk to you and give you a couple of names. This is how I get the majority of my clients and I do this for people all the time.
When a referral comes into my inbox I ensure they are either getting on my schedule or they are leaving my inbox with a couple of referrals and instructions on how to get appointments.
Please don’t be afraid to ask around!!
All for the ‘Gram
For better or worse Instagram has become the single most useful marketing platform and an excellent place to find a therapist. Who would have thought? (Tik Tok is as well but you have to remember a geriatric millennial is authoring this blog post so the buck stops at IG for me.) A potential client can book a discovery call on my calendar directly from my Instagram profile, all from their phone without getting up from the couch. It makes the process as easy and possible which is exactly what I want for them.
Instagram is my second largest referral source for clients which means women hire me after finding me on Instagram…which is wild! I would highly encourage you to follow therapists who have professional accounts before you consider working with them. This will give you a really good feel for what it would be like to work with them, what their areas of expertise are, their values and what their style and approach will feel like. One of the benefits of having my own practice and seeing clients virtually is that I have time to create educational content that I can share for free on Instagram and that gives potential clients a sense of my style, my personality and my areas of expertise.
Someone who follows me for just one week will get a good feel of my personality, how I spend my time and what kind of life I value. And that I say the word fuck a lot and if that is a turn off for them it’s better to learn that up front! By the time they book a consultation call they feel like they already know me and we’re just hashing out logistics and details. All that to say, finding your therapist or coach on Instagram is very much the norm these days so don’t be afraid to go that route.
Search hashtags for your city, the issue you are looking for help with (i.e. #grieftherapist #ocd #anxietyrelief #ohtherapy #perfectionism #familydynamicstherapist #birthtrauma #infertilitysupporttherapist ) and you will see accounts that populate. Social media is problematic in so many ways but it fosters connection and education in wonderful ways too. Use it to your advantage!
Insurance vs. Private Pay
For a long time people would use their insurance provider as a referral source for a therapist. The problem with this is that over time many therapists stopped participating in the insurance system (which is a very complex issue I can get into another time, but no, it’s not because therapists are greedy!) so the ones that do have significant wait times and caseloads that are far too big to manage. So people who wanted therapy through their insurance have to wait a really long time to get it and the people getting it risked getting less than optimal clinical care because their therapist was overworked and underpaid. This is a generalization and of course not true everywhere, but with our more acute mental health crisis I’m fairly confident in saying this is more common than not.
Going private pay opens up a world of possibilities for both the client and therapist. Therapists can provide care in the way they best see fit based on their experience and education, not the way the insurance plan is mandating them to. Most private pay therapists are out of network providers so if your insurance plan reimburses you for all or a percentage of your services, that means that technically you are able to utilize your insurance benefits for mental health. You pay for your sessions up front and your therapist gives you a superbill each month. Submit it to insurance and they reimburse you. I have all of my clients check with their provider before we start our work together to see if they have this benefit and at least half do. It’s a win/win. Many also use HSA/FSA credit cards as well.
There is nothing wrong with using your insurance plan for therapy, but it does come with strings attached. We pay a criminal amount of money every month for insurance…we should be able to use it. In an ideal world insurance wouldn’t be for profit and we would all be able to get optimal mental health care easily. Again, a conversation for another day.
What about Betterhelp & Talkspace?
If you follow me on Instagram you might have heard me share my opinion on these platforms. TL;DR it’s not good. You know the sayings “if it sounds too good to be true it is” and “you get what you pay for”? Well…pretty much that.
These two are platforms are run by tech entrepreneurs, not therapists or anyone with a clinical background. They are wrought with ethical violations, have no safety plans or considerations for those with risk of self harm, grossly underpay and mistreat therapists and sell client private health information (HIPAA? I don’t know her.)
While I am ALL FOR affordable and accessible therapy, I cannot ethically recommend these two.
(There are other platforms on the market that are more ethical, however I can’t speak to them personally.)
What Questions to Ask
When you’re vetting a therapist here are some helpful questions to ask. This is even more important if you didn’t have a warm handoff (i.e. someone you know recommended this therapist). Before I work with someone I always do a free discovery call (30 minutes) to help them to vet me and I can screen them. If a therapist in private practice is not willing to do a free consultation with you that’s a red flag (agency is different).
-What’s your therapy style?
-Have you been to therapy before?
-How will I know if working together is helping?
-What issues are you really good at working with?
-What are your opinions of polyvagal theory & trauma informed care?
-What if I get stuck in therapy?
-How do you take care of yourself?
This is by no means a comprehensive list but a seasoned and confident therapist would be able to talk about these openly and easily.
Therapist vs. Coach
Since the world shifted to a virtual platform the last two years therapists have had to pivot in how we provide care and show up as helpers and experts. The licensing and regulatory boards that issue our licenses have not. To help meet the demand of the mental health crisis many therapists have expanded their offerings into mental health (or clinical) coaching, so they can work with clients who live out of state.
This is technically not the same as therapy. You will not be provided with a diagnosis if needed and not given a corresponding treatment plan. When you are providing therapy there are many boundary considerations and limitations to consider because of the nature of the work. Therapy boxes in the therapist in so many ways. Coaching is a bit more action oriented because the issues we are working on are usually a tad less delicate. But you know what’s awesome? Once you are a therapist you can never take off your therapist hat. It’s always on. So while the vetting process for my coaching clients is a little more detailed than therapy, it is a really great offering and it allows me to work with more people. If you connect with a therapist who is out of state but offering this service, I encourage you to pursue working with her/him/them.
If one one one therapy or coaching doesn’t sound appealing many therapists have pivoted to offer group coaching programs in an effort to serve several people at the same time. I did this last year with a small group program I created, Thought Works, and it was a really cool experience. You could also try courses or workshops offered by therapists if you aren’t up for or can’t swing therapy right now. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Trying Again After a Not So Great Experience
Reaching out is brave, especially if you come from a family where you don’t talk about stuff. Reaching out AGAIN after a bad experience with a therapist is even more badass and I hope you know that there is someone out there who is a really good fit for you. It is normal to shop therapists and go through a couple before you find a good fit. It’s also normal to work really well with one in one period of your life and need a different type of therapist for another period of your life. ALL NORMAL.
Of course you can always use good old Google, search local publications and try Psychology Today’s local directory for you area.
If you’ve found a good therapist, either online or in person, what worked well for you?
